she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
