Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
