So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
