he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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