the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
