i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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