You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
