Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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