When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
