bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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