i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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