Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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