Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
