lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize