A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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