Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize