I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Come share oat with me in your robe
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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