You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
