theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
