I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
