god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
