ya dads aren't the best wingmen
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
