yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize