Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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