we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
