; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
