you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
