I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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