It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
