The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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