I am spending my child support on dildos
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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