ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
