I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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