i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I need a beard to bite.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize