I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
