do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
