Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
