Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
