Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
