Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
