She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize