found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
