dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
