just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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