hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
