I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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