Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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