The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize