Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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