I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
ok first of all what the fuck
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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