Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
