actually, I'm a sock model
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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