Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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