I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
