i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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