the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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