I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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