I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
