Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
