I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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