Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
