Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
