I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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