so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
