You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize