So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize