My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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