We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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