I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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