I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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