i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
