you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Randomize
