dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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