so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
