I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
