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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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