so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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