On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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