I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
