I am in a vortex of obligation.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
