I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
