Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm passing your future prison.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
