I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
