OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
