you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
