I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
