My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
