Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
