I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
