He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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