I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
