she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
