Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
