Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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