Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
