remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
