im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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