I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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