1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
